Description
With the ZEUS Lightning Torch™, you don’t just illuminate your surroundings—you command raw, bottled atmospheric rage. It shoots concentrated bolts of static charge at suspiciously long distances. Doubles as a flashlight, triples as an enemy repellent.
Key Features
- Emits controlled bolts of highly photogenic lightning
- Rechargeable with solar panel
- “Fat-Free” rubber gloves included (contains no actual nutritional value)
- Light beam has three settings: Crackler, Stunner, and Overcooker
Suggested Uses
- Pretend you’re a superhero, wizard, or unpaid Greek deity
- Instantly dry wet socks (results may vary)
- Power move during arguments or PowerPoint presentations
Warning
Not intended for indoor use, outdoor use, or any use really. Especially, do not use during actual thunderstorms (unless you’re really committed).
Captain Cook –
This lightning torch is a Godsend! Recommended for cooking cup noodles by shining on them for 30 seconds in ‘Overcooker’ mode. Saves time and LPG/electricity bill…